“I think we found a nice balance,” Brian said, adding, “She is very much a ‘pizza bagel’ in terms of her heritage, and I like that her name reflects that.”įor Mo, the idea of choosing just one last name didn’t feel right. In the end, the child was given an Italian first name to reflect Brian’s Italian-American roots, and Barbara’s last name to reflect her Jewish heritage. In the end, the couple chose Sarah’s last name for their child, in part as a way to recognize the child’s bond to Sarah as the non-biological parent.īarbara and her husband, Brian, considered their daughter’s first name and last name as a package deal and took it as an opportunity to highlight the mix of traditions in their family.

“Whereas my partner and her mom are the only ones in the family who have their last name, my last name is shared by my parents, all my siblings, and a modestly sized extended family.” “As a queer couple, we were nervous about to what extent our kid would be seen as ‘really’ connected to both of us,” Sarah explained. But this freedom can be part of what can make it a challenge to pick the right name.ĭeciding on a last name was “a bit tricky” for Sarah and her partner. Only a handful of states have laws on the books that specify what the child’s last name must be. While Ellen’s choice may have surprised her friends, parents in most states have wide latitude in selecting not just a first name but the last name for their child. “Other people asked if we were even allowed to do what we did,” Ellen said. Here are nine ways families have navigated this complex decision:įor Ellen, the birth of a child was the chance to create something brand-new-a last name that combined elements of her name and her husband’s. And just like with first names, last names may be tricky to pronounce or spell, or feel out of place in particular cultural contexts. Talking about names brings out all kinds of issues of what family and identity mean.įor one couple, a certain family name may be a link to beloved traditions-or a painful reminder of a difficult relationship. And with millions of children growing up with LGBT parents, many couples are working without a map as they face these decisions.

The inn between parents last names